have u ever felt ever so in love that u couldn't stop looking at them?
honestly, i do
and it feels amazing tbh
that happiness when u don't feel it for a long time
but obviously there will be days there won't be any happiness
there are days that will be dark and black and depressed
some days u just want the world to swallow u up
some days u just feel like dying
it's not because of them but sometimes it's just the inner us
the demon inside me
i still can't find the words to define it
to describe it
the urge to destroy myself every time
it comes
i wanna kill myself so badly at times
i love him i really fucking do
but sometimes idk if it's just me
the things he's hiding from me
made me feel insecure
made me feel useless
made me overthink
made me feel like i'm not good enough for him
i wanna run away sometimes
to run away from all these poison,
toxic, dangerous thinking
i did something i don't think i can forgive myself
i checked his phone
is it wrong? i do find him suspicious previously
how when i looked at him and he switch it off instantly
avoiding me from looking
that's when i did something that i hated most
i knew i will find something that will hurt me
yet, i still did it and i found things that is hurting me now
i'm sorry, i didn't mean it
it's not that i don't trust u
i am supposed to trust u
but looking at how things have changed
u too have changed
i am afraid one day someone just come to ur life
and that's when i'll be gone from ur heart
that's what i'm really afraid
i am afraid there comes a day where
u realized u no longer feel the same as me
what would become of me?
everyday i am thinking
who would i become without u
what am i gonna do without u
where shall i move on to without u
how am i suppose to go on without u
but right now all i can do is
to cry beside u without u knowing
to support u when u needed it the most
to tolerate u when things go bad with us
to care for u when u're at ur worst
to grow old with u hoping we'll go far forever
and most importantly to love u through all the bad days and good days
